One step at a time
An important group occasion happened today. It was supposed to be fun and heartwarming, but I forbid myself from enjoying the moment. I desperately seek for attention while simultaneously pretending to be chill, I desperately try to have conversations while not initiating any, I desperately try to entertain knowing full well that I'm only mildly interesting when not actively trying to do so.
I wish I can make a deep, nihilistic point about the essence of life like everyone on the internet apparently does, but the truth is that I am just a normal person, realizing that rationality is not the answer of everything, that life if full of contradictions, that all good thing must come to an end.
I have demolished my feelings for so long, numbness is the only feeling I have when I try to feel. Numbness is a feeling, and feelings are good.
One step at a time.